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Ask Ashlee: I'm A Single Mom Not Looking for A Single Father

Dear Ask Ashlee,

I am a single mom of two and I love being a mother. My kids mean the world to me, and it’s usually just the three of us. Their fathers aren’t in the picture and I pretty much raise my children alone. I have been single for 3 years but I have dated several men within that time. Here’s what I discovered about myself: even though I am a mother and I have two beautiful children, I do not want to date a man with his own. I just don’t want to deal with the drama of someone else’s child or their child’s mother. I know how selfish that may sound, but if I date a man with no children, he can solely focus on my children and we may grow into our own family that way. However, when I share this with men, it’s like they are completely turned off by me like I am looking to trap them, which is never the case. I just have my own preferences like everyone else. Am I wrong?


Dear Anonymous,

So here’s the thing, a preference is just that; a preference. It is your desire to deal with a more favorable experience over another. You choose to have a man who only has a child by you and you alone. There are plenty of men and women in the world, who choose not to date people with children at all. Similarly for the same reasons as yourself, because they would rather be in a relationship with someone who they have their first child with. There is no right or wrong way within the world of dating and building relationships, because things usually are based on people's preferences in what kind of person they want to date and get serious with. The only perspective I want you to consider is this, what if the man that is the best fit for you, is a man with children already? What if the man that will love and treat you and your children the way you deserve is a father that can give your children something their own fathers do not? The man you are hoping to find you could be the man you are turning away from. This could be your moment to “date outside the box” and come across the kind of man that you hope to create a family with.

I hope this helps!

Love & Light,


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