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Ask Ashlee: I Want To Get To Know My Dad, Not His Family

Dear Ask Ashlee,

I recently reconciled with my father after not having a relationship with him for the last 13 years. While he insists that our disconnect was a result of my mothers actions, I honestly blame both of my parents for the outcome of my childhood. My fathers’ mother has also tried reaching out to reconcile with me and while I am open to my fathers efforts, right now I am only open to him and him alone. During my parents' disagreements, my fathers mother was extremely disrespectful towards my mother. She seems to still have a grudge against her and I am not interested in hearing anything about what she may or not have to say when it comes to how my mother handled things. Is there an issue with only focusing on my relationship with my father and no one else from his side of the family at this time?

Mamas Baby

Dear Mama’s Baby,

So here’s the thing, no there is nothing wrong with focusing on one relationship at a time. As a child you missed out on a key relationship that would have made an impact on your life, whether negative or positive, we do not know. I think that you should take a moment to separate what happened with your grandmother and mother, and solely focus on one relationship at a time. You don’t know everything that happened when you were younger, and unfortunately you may never know. What you do know is that your father wants to have a relationship with you, you know your grandmother wants to have a relationship with you and you know that you have an entire family that missed out on how amazing you are. This is about you, not your mother or your grandmother, it is about you and what you want and the pace that you want it. I would communicate your need for time and hopefully she understands. I hope this helps.

Love & Light,


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