Ask Ashlee: Should I Raise My Ex-Husband's Child?
Dear Ask Ashlee,
I am a 40 yr. old woman who has been single for the last 12 years. I am in no rush to find love or anything like that, I am pretty happy and content with my life and I trust that God will bless me with love and family when the time is right for me. I was married for about 8 years in my 20’s and while my ex-husband and I didn’t work out, we remained pretty good friends afterwards. He remarried a few years later and has a beautiful 3-year-old daughter. Tragically, her mother died during childbirth and he has done his very best to raise her by himself. He doesn’t have much family and his entire life is dedicated to his baby girl. So, here’s the conundrum, he has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and his chances of survival are slim to known. He contacted me and asked to take me to dinner to talk and at dinner he asked me to become his daughter’s legal guardian. I was in complete shock! I am still in complete shock! As I stated his family ceases to exist, both of his parents have died, and he never had any relatives. Of course, there is the grandparents of his deceased wife, but he has been very adamant that he believes she will be properly cared for if she is with me because they are so old, and he fears that if something happens to them, she will end up in the foster care system. While I am beyond flattered, I just don’t know if this is the best thing for me right now. I did not intend on becoming a mother this way, let alone as a single woman. I am not saying no, but I don’t know if I am saying yes either. Help!
40 yr. old Mommy to Be
Dear 40 yr. old Mommy to Be,
So, here’s the thing, as a woman of God (which it sounds like you are) I am sure you have her the phrase, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Let me tell you something, He works in mysterious ways for sure! I think it’s a beautiful thing that you and your ex-husband have been able to remain friends for so long and through him finding love and happiness outside of you and vice and versa. One of the most important things I have learned about life is to simply let it flow. The natural flow of things is what we call destiny. This isn’t as messy of a situation as it sounds. The man thinks so highly of you after your divorce that not only did he want to remain friends, but he trusts you with his most prize possession even after death, his child. As a mother myself, I can tell you this, children change you. Children have the potential to bring out the absolute best in you if you allow them to do so. I would suggest meeting her of course before saying yes and seeing what the vibe and connection between you two are. You do not have to give birth to become a mother. When you understand the way God and The Universe work on your behalf, you stop questioning when blessings fall into your life, but instead you continue giving thanks and being grateful. Set aside for just a second the fact that she is the child of your ex and his deceased wife, and instead focus on the blessing that is being presented to you in this moment. Keep in mind, that when you are raising a child you are going to deal wit the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing whether you gave birth to the child, adopted the child or was a foster parent. Consider all your options and make a decision from there. I will say this, based off your signature, it sounds like you’ve already made your decision! 😊
I hope this helps.
Love & Light,