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Ask Ashlee : Side Chicks Are Not The Enemy

Dear Ask Ashlee,


I was wondering if you could do a segment, or just a talk about side chicks not being the problem. Well, let me rephrase, not ALL side chicks are the problem. I have been in a love triangle for 2 years. I really don't even associate with the word "side chick" but for sh*ts and giggles, I'll indulge the masses. I met my lover, after my husband passed away a few years ago. I have never cheated on my husband and he never cheated on me. I am not ruining a marriage, because from what I know their marriage is still very much intact. From time to time, I get to enjoy the quality time with a man of intellectual conversation, humor and sex when I am in need. We have a friendship that is built on more than sex, we both confine in each other about the woes of life, love and parenting. We have an unbreakable bond that I never thought I would share with anyone else since my husbands passing. It is nice to have someone around that sees and notices me. I just want people to always stop making side chicks like we are just nothing more than sloppy, whores with no value or respect for ourselves.

Sincerely,

More This His "Side Chick"

Dear More This His "Side Chick",

First off, woman to woman, I am sincerely sorry for the lost of your husband. I am sure that was an unimaginable loss that caused you a great deal of pain. I have done a few videos on side chicks and even admitted to being one myself a very long time ago. I get that people meet and they experience a level of chemistry that sweeps them off their feet, with no intention on hurting the person they love as it happens. I do believe that it is not possible for another woman to ruin the relationship of two people who have agreed to love each other a certain way and share this life together. An agreement and promise like that can only be ruined by the two people that are abiding by it. However, I do think it's important to acknowledge the role you playing, in respect to maybe an agreement you are making with yourself. You mentioned that your husband never cheated on you and you never cheated on him. You mentioned it with pride at that, so somewhere or sometime in your life, you valued the sanctity of which marriage represents. I believe that this is the woman you should be protecting and concerned about. From what you are told, their marriage is intact but men lie and women lie, you don't know anymore than what you are told; what you are told and what is the truth could be two very different things. It is possible to share a strong bond and chemistry with someone without sex being involved at all. So no, I wont do a segment on how "side chicks" are not a problem, because I believe they are a problem. I just believe the woman who chose to play this role are their own problem. They settle for another woman's man to fill a need they no longer wish to ignore. I will say, this doesn't always make her a bad person, it just makes her as human as anyone else. Unfortunately, she is just the "villain" of another woman's story, and that might be something to think about. If you insist on being in this "love triangle" than everyone needs to be involved (I'm not talking threesome either lol) but to alleviate any issues between your relationships and theirs, communicate is important. If that occurs and honesty is at the forefront then you are no side chick! You are in a polygamous relationship and there is happiness in that kind of union as well. I hope this helps!

With Love,

Ashlee

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