Ask Ashlee: We're Divorced, But I Still Dictate Whose Around For The Holidays.
Dear Ask Ashlee,
My ex-husband and I finalized our divorce in April. This is the first Thanksgiving/Christmas that we won’t all be together. There is a visitation schedule in place so it’s not like we are fighting over who will have the kids versus who won’t, but we have been arguing over one small detail, which is for our kids to not be introduced to anyone “new” for the holidays. My ex-husband is already seeing someone and plans on doing Thanksgiving at this woman’s house. I do not agree with this, it has already been very hard on the kids with us divorcing, and I feel like introducing someone new shouldn’t be a priority yet and we both need to wait and take it slow with whomever we choose to date. My ex doesn’t agree with this and it makes me want to just keep my children for the holidays and deal with the consequences later. Thoughts?
Dear Recently Single,
So here’s the thing, while I do agree with you that taking things should be slow for the sake of the children, the reality is that you have no control over what this man does in his personal life anymore. You have no control over how slow or fast he chooses to move with any woman or when he decides to include your children in those plans because they are his children just as much as they are yours. I don’t know the age group of your babies, but the best advice I can give you is to be honest with them and have a conversation. As parents we want to do all we can to shelter them from certain ways of the world, and that can eventually lead to them being unprepared for the world as it is. I think you should express your concerns to their father, and then trust him to make the right choice for his children and his life. In the meantime, you do what you need to do for your children and be open and honest with them. Prepare them for everything that can happen. I hope this helps!
Love & Light,