Dear Ask Ashlee,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years and we have a 3 year old daughter. I feel like our relationship has come to an end and I am ready to call it quits but I know this will have a negative impact on our daughter. We have been talking about splitting up for a while and what that will look like when it comes to her. Since this will be a new norm I feel like he should be able to send her on the weekends and I have her during the week because we have to get adjusted to this new way of life. Of course he doesn’t agree, and feels like we should split our time evenly, which just really isn’t possible because of my schedule. He says that I am being selfish, I feel like he is being childish and making it harder for me because she will be living with me. Am I wrong?
Ms. Single Mother To Be
Dear Ms. Single Mother To Be,
So here’s the thing, short answer, yes. Your daughter will have to adjust to her daddy not being there every night like she is used to, but she shouldn’t have to go days without seeing him because you two no longer want to make the relationship work. If your schedule is conflicting, then your immediate back up is him, no one else. Don’t place yourself in a position where you are the primary parent and you are creating an environment where she has a weekend Daddy. Imagine someone telling you the only time you can see your daughter is the weekend, because seeing her regularly doesn’t align with their schedule. She needs both of her parents, regularly, so you should be ensuring that she receives just that. You all couldn’t figure out a way to make your relationship work, but my advice would be to humble yourselves quickly and find a way to work together so she doesn’t fall victim to the unnecessary feelings of abandonment by her father, or resentment towards her mother. I hope this helps.
Love & Light,