Updated: Aug 13, 2021
Dear Ask Ashlee,
I’ve raised my son alone for the last 15 years. His father was in and out of jail until he was about 8 and then when he came home, he created more children than he could actually take care of. The last two years the two of them have grown closer, and honestly I’m happy about that. My son gets a bit more direction and guidance from a man and his father seems to be getting his life together finally. He doesn’t support us financially, however he again has been spending more time with him and my son deserves that. My issue, is that after 15 years and doing it all on my own, he now wants my son to come live with him and I am not feeling that!
I want them to have a relationship, I want that bond to be close, but I don’t believe he has the right to come into his life after the fact and take my son away from me, my only child, after all I’ve done on my own. My son and I have talked and I believe he wants to go stay with his father, but leaving me after all I’ve sacrificed is something he doesn’t want to do either. I’m stuck in an ugly situation and wouldn’t mind a little advice sis. Your thoughts?
My Only Child
Dear My Only Child,
I know it’s hard sis believe me I do, but you are looking at this situation the wrong way. His past is pertinent to your decision making. You still see his father as a knuckle headed jail bird instead of the man he has and is still evolving into. Based off your own words, the last two years, so much has taken place to allow him and your son to become close despite the fact that he has other children and I’m sure other responsibilities.
Redirect your focus. We as mothers will sacrifice and give up whatever it takes for our children. So what you have done for the last 15 years, you would have done regardless of his fathers interactions during that time. That’s just what we do as mothers. If your only dispute to him living with his father now, is because of all the work you put in, then that is not enough. Why? Simple. This isn’t about you. This is about a 15 year young man who is looking for guidance and direction on the kind of man he is going to be. He has learned what he can from you, and believe me you will be able to teach him more. Yet, this is a good time for him to spend with his father. A good time for him and his father to help each other become better men. Don’t take this opportunity away from him, away from them, for your own selfish reasons. You will always be his mother. You will always be his first love, and he will always be his father. Let him do his part and take a moment to focus on you.
I hope this helps!